


I Don't Need Anyone Else But You

by idkpeachystuff



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: 2016 Richie/Eddie, Angst, Beverly Marsh & Richie Tozier Are Best Friends, Beverly Marsh Knows Everything, Beverly Marsh is a Good Friend, Canonical Character Death, Eddie Loves Richie Too !!, Hurt/Comfort, I'm so sorry, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Oblivious Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Prom, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, brief homophobic language, practically canon, teen reddie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2019-11-27
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:35:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21580000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idkpeachystuff/pseuds/idkpeachystuff
Summary: "He remembered Eddie. Eddie fucking Kaspbrak. Eddie was the boy with the softest lips he’d ever felt, with the curly hair and the stupid pink button up shirt, knee-high socks, and red athletic shorts with a fanny pack covering the waistband. He remembered how Eddie looked on prom night, all dressed up in his tux, how his cold hands felt on his neck when he pulled him down to kiss him on the cheek. He remembered how much he loved him, and how even almost three decades later, he’s still never felt a love like that."Richie Tozier has always known he was in love with Eddie, but there was three times specifically in his life that he's really realized that.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Kudos: 46





	I Don't Need Anyone Else But You

**Author's Note:**

> Title inspired by “Anyone Else But You” by The Moldy Peaches, one of my personal favorite Reddie songs. It’s been about two and a half months and I’m still crying over the clown movie,, oops. This one has taken a while, sorry about that lol.  
> Anyways, today I give y’all a blend of angst and feel-better-for-a-second fluff, I hope you guys enjoy :)
> 
> My playlist on Spotify for Reddie, if y’all want that:  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/61ja6ODDRuGSI48AcgJahe?si=9ROokarMTumt8vaalJUeCw

The very first time Richie Tozier knew for sure he was absolutely in love with Eddie Kaspbrak was in August of 1989. 

It was after the incident in the arcade. After Bowers’ cousin Connor had accused Richie of hitting on him loud enough so everyone could hear, and if the message wasn’t clear enough, he had Henry screaming at him, calling him a faggot for everyone to hear.

The memory was fresh in his mind. Playing over and _over_ again as he sat on the bench in the park, rubbing his eyes and throat sore from holding back choked sobs.

_“Richie fucking Tozier?” Henry asked. “What, are you trying to bone my little cousin?” Henry stepped forward, gesturing at Connor. Richie was shaking his head slightly, looking at Connor then back at Henry._

_“Get the FUCK out of here, faggot!” Henry had screamed practically right in his face._

_Richie was startled, looking around the arcade to see that everyone had been staring, and everyone was listening. Richie started backing up, headed for the door. He noticed there were other boys that backed further away from him as he started walking closer, and that alone almost made him want to break down right then and there. He wanted to defend himself, but couldn’t even find the courage to say anything, just do as Henry said and leave. “Fucking go!” he screamed again, causing Richie to practically bolt out the door._

Richie could do nothing but sit there, feeling beyond hurt for words, because now he knew for sure how things would go down if it really did get out that he _did_ , he did indeed like boys. He felt in that moment that he was nothing but a little queer kid growing up in what he was sure was the most homophobic town.

He thought about how figured things would be innocent enough, asking Connor if he wanted to stay and play a little longer. Richie was so unsure why Connor would do that, turn his back on him and feel the need to accuse him of being a “fairy,” knowing Henry would get after him. Maybe he wasn’t as nice as Richie thought. Maybe Richie made it too obvious he wanted him to stay longer because he thought Connor was cute and he caught on. Maybe Connor even liked Richie too, but felt scared when he saw Henry, and panicked. Whatever the reason was, it made Richie crumble.

Richie wanted to disappear. Wanted to go home, pack a bag and just leave this stupid fucking town. But then again he didn’t even want to go home, and he knew he had no money, and nowhere else to go. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. He knew by time school would roll around next month, everyone in school would know _Richie Tozier is a faggot. Richie Tozier’s a fucking queer. Richie Tozier sucks cock._

He could practically see it written on the bathroom stall doors already. And he wasn’t ready to face that.

“Richie?” he heard a voice say, he was sure it was fairly close. It wasn’t just any voice though, he could’ve sworn it was Eddie. Rubbing his eyes and lifting his face, and seeing it was indeed him. And Richie couldn’t tell whether that meant things were about to get better or worse. First, everyone in the arcade now has a reason to believe he’s gay and will surely spread that like wildfire, and now Eddie, who he’s had a hopeless crush on for quite some time now, was about to come up and ask him about it.

“Hey, are you okay?” he asked, taking no time and sitting right down next to him. Richie told him he was fine, which Eddie knew well enough was bullshit and was quick to call him out on. Richie sighed.

“Bowers.” Richie mumbled. “It was just Bowers, he’s just a fucking asshole man, I don’t wanna talk about it.” 

Though Richie was expecting Eddie to protest and insist he tell him what’s wrong, he didn’t. He just nodded, muttering that he was sorry and mentioning he saw Henry and his boys the other week, but managed to escape before he could get to him. Eddie could tell whatever happened with Henry really hurt Richie, and didn’t want to pressure him into talking about it, so he didn’t. But he also really wanted to just talk to Richie. Making casual small talk until the words Eddie was holding back since he first walked up to Richie just slipped out.

“I miss you.” Eddie said, breaking the brief silence between them. He was thinking out loud, not sure why he told Richie. He looked up at Richie, startled by his own words, but he couldn’t find a way to stop. “Sorry, I--I just do. I get you don’t wanna talk to Bill after what happened but… I don’t know. Never mind.” 

Richie felt awful now. For some reason he assumed after what happened between him and Bill, no one would want to talk to him. He wasn’t sure why he thought that, it was probably just him being bitter about what happened and choosing to isolate himself. But he shouldn’t have left Eddie alone. 

“It’s okay. I missed you too. I’m sorry I haven’t talked to you really at all since your arm.” Richie apologized, shaking his head because he simply couldn’t believe how stupid he’d been. He missed Eddie too, he just didn’t realize how much he did until this exact moment.

Eddie smiled at him. It was so sincere and gentle, but of course Richie didn’t mind, he thought Eddie’s smile in any expression was the cutest thing he’s ever seen; one of the things he was never afraid to remind him of. Not even now, not even as the incident in the arcade was still fresh in his mind. So he did.

“You’re so cute, Eds.” Richie told him, playfully grabbing his face and pinching his cheek. This was the only way Richie really knew how to flirt without it being (completely) dangerous territory. In fact, Eddie was so used to things like this he just rolled his eyes and swatted Richie’s hand away, telling him to shut up and that he _was not cute_ , which Richie only found even more cute, especially the laughter that came with it. Eddie loved it, no matter how much he insisted he didn’t, and Richie knew it. 

Richie wanted to kiss him so fucking bad, but he knew better. Maybe one day by some miracle of God, he’d get to do just that. Maybe that day would come, but in the meantime, all he knew what to do was flirt with Eddie by being a brat and teasing him, and allowing Eddie to do the same.

Richie chuckled at Eddie, disregarding the fact that he was _indeed_ adorable, and Eddie pushed him, telling him to shut up again and quickly changing the subject in an attempt to get Richie to stop, even though he kinda liked it. But he’d never admit that.

That same day on his way home, he passed through where the kissing bridge was, and scanned all the names and initials carved onto the fence by lovers, wishing he had that; more importantly, wishing his had that with Eddie.

As if it were fate, he eyed a small, forgotten pocket knife just sitting there at the beginning of where the tunnel was. Opening it, walking back just a little, finding a fairly empty, uncarved area of the fence. Looking to make sure no one was around, he fell to his knees and began to carve out a small R.

Haunted by the memories from earlier but wanting to remember his ones he just had with Eddie, Richie wanted nothing more in that moment than to scream a big “fuck you” in Bowers’ face and stick up for himself, wanted to believe there was nothing wrong with how he felt, how he wishes it was an accpeted thing for him to like boys, to like _Eddie_. Every little emotion he was feeling wrapped up into something that would be his thing, that would surely go unnoticed to everyone else, but always be special for him. There it was, all for him and his love for Eddie.

_R + E_

\--

The second time it had _really_ hit Richie that he was in love with Eddie was in May, 1993 at their senior prom.

Beverly had been the one who convinced him to go, even got him all dressed up in a tux, and he’s still not sure how. She was so proud of him though, and constantly teased him whenever he complained about being there. He hated going to dances and seeing couples being all happy, and how he wished he could have that. There was only one person that he had wanted that kind of love from, and that was Eddie.

Richie wanted no one but him. He wishes he could work up the courage to ask Eddie to dance with him, or tell him that he liked him, yet whenever his chance came, he just _couldn’t_. And it’s been that same yearning for the past four years. He knew he was running out of time to tell him too, given that he was leaving in just a little over a month to head to college in Chicago; Eddie leaving for New York City soon after. They were still friends, but lives were quickly changing and time was simply running out.

Bev had been telling Richie to tell Eddie how he felt since Richie had told her how he felt about him nearly three years ago. Of course, she had highly encouraged for tonight to be that night. 

“I don’t know, Bev.” Richie sighed, as Bev had brought it up again that night at the dance. They had been sitting at their tables, watching Eddie out on the floor with Stan. “It seems so stupid and cliché, plus what if he doesn’t feel the same? Would kinda ruin the last month here, let alone the night.”

Richie looked out again to see Eddie dancing obnoxiously to “I Think We’re Alone Now”. Stan had the look of embarrassment and disappointment but also couldn’t help but laugh. The sight was like a goddamn chaotic renaissance painting. Eddie looked so stupid, but Richie found it more than adorable.

Richie just smiled when Eddie looked back at him and Bev. He was so fucking in love with this boy. 

“Rich, look at yourself. You love him. And like I’ve said so many times before, I’m almost _positive_ he does too.” Bev said, smiling at Richie and grabbing his hand. Richie sighed, looking back at Eddie again in awe.

Richie knew Bev was probably right, maybe it was finally time. But then again, he’s lost count of how many times he’s thought to himself those exact words.

“Fine. I’ll tell him. I’ll tell him tonight, you’re right.” Richie mumbled, which earned him an excited squeal and kiss on the cheek from Bev.

“Okay, you better for real this time, Richie Tozier, I swear to God.” She laughed, getting up and beginning to walk away, seemingly headed towards the drink table where Ben was, mumbling about how she would be right back, leaving him alone at the table. Richie sighed to himself and leaned back, looking around the room.

The song was dying out, there being a pause before another song began. As if it was on cue, he looked over to see Eddie headed his way to the table. _Great_.

“Well, aren't you the life of the party?” Eddie practically shouted, trying to get his point across over the noise of the place.

“Shut up, you know I didn’t wanna be here anyway.” Richie shot back, causing Eddie to laugh and push Richie’s shoulder. 

_Telling him to shut up and acting like a bitch about a little comment, nice way of flirting, Rich._

“Well you’re here anyway. You paid $15 to be here tonight anyway, you’re just gonna sit around the whole time?” 

“Yep, I guess so.” Richie scoffed, taking a drink of punch from the cup in his hand. Eddie rolled his eyes and took Richie’s drink out of his hand, grabbing his hand so he could hold his instead. Richie’s heart stopped, lately even the littlest and most innocent touches would make his heart drop, his eyes going wide and his face flushing.

Eddie was taking his hand and leading him out to the dance floor explaining that they were going to dance together and he was “gonna like it” is like something straight out of how he wished the night would go like, never expecting it to actually happen.

Trying to play things cool and not make it obvious he was tense, Richie simply cursed and made a remark about how he can’t dance anyway. Eddie playfully told him to shut up and started practically running out to the floor with him where Stan and Bill were. Richie wasn’t sure what had gotten into Eddie, wondering if maybe he had something to drink that with spiked with liquor. Eddie was always the brave one, but he had never seen him this confident in himself and outgoing. 

Richie wasn’t sure how long exactly time had passed, but he knew it was at least six or seven songs worth. Only making the realization that it had been that long once “The Way You Make Me Feel” had faded out, and the DJ was saying something that was merely background noise to him. Then the mood dramatically shifted as a slow song began to play; it didn’t take long before Richie could identify it as “Time After Time”. 

“Hey, I think I’m gonna go back to the table, sit down for awhile. I don’t really like slow songs.” Richie told Eddie, Eddie grabbing his arm and pulling him back.

“Hey, it’s a dance, c’mon, let’s dance, Tozier.” Eddie smiled. “C’mon, don’t be nervous, we’ve danced before as kids, remember?”

Richie couldn’t believe it. What on _Earth_ has gotten into this boy? Richie scratched the back of his neck, watching as all the couples starting forming on the floor and they were still there. Eddie was asking him to dance, something he’s wanted forever to do with him, but now the chance was here and he felt as though he couldn’t.

“Eds, I don’t know.” Richie sighed. “I… We can’t. You know what people will think. Fuck, I mean, Higgins is right over there, he’ll get people to-”

Eddie took Richie’s hand and led him out the door. Richie looking back to Bev for some kind of help, but she was distracted with the other losers, specifically Ben. Richie felt no choice but to just follow him. Eddie let them out the doors of the gym, into the hallway that lead to another hallway directly behind the gym. The music was so loud they could still hear it, it was just slightly muffled and it felt like it was their own world.

“No one can see us here. We have the music still, we’re okay.” Eddie smiled. He already had his arms around Richie’s shoulders and he was smiling. Maybe Bev was right, maybe he did indeed like him back. Richie didn’t know what to think, what to say, he just kind of let things happen for a while.

“Eddie.” he whispered, Eddie had hummed in response. Richie felt awful for probably ruining a great moment, but he looked up and gently pushed Eddie’s hands off his shoulders. Eddie didn’t look hurt, just confused, which didn’t make any sense to Richie. Why was Eddie confused? “Eds, what’s up? Why are you acting like this tonight?” Richie asked, Eddie shrugged.

“Just wanted to dance with you, have a good time tonight. I know you hated being here anyway so-”  
  
“Eds, I’m serious.” Richie interrupted. Eddie’s smile faltered and he took a deep breath as he stepped away and turned his back to Richie, exhaling more than loud enough. His face going from playing confused to being frustrated.

_Fuck_.

“Can we please not talk about it, Richie? I didn’t wanna tell you tonight, at least not now.” Eddie was suddenly clearly distressed. Richie had already felt fucking awful and was blaming himself for making Eddie upset. But things couldn’t go ignored now, with one question they were already at the point of no return.

“Eddie, it’s okay. You can tell me.” Richie whispered, taking Eddie’s hand. He wasn’t really sure what he was doing, but he did it. He was really hoping he’d hear what he’s been wanting to for years now, but at the same time knows it was surely a long shot.

Eddie just shook his head slowly. 

“I can’t.” Eddie said softly, his voice cracking. “I just-- I can’t, Richie. Not here. Not right now. C’mon, let’s just dance, please. I just wanna dance with you.” Eddie was fucking crying now, and Richie was almost positive at this point Eddie was either was either drunk or there was something specific on his mind that he really did not want to talk about.

Richie just held Eddie for a moment, simply standing there and rocking him softly. Eddie was crying into his shoulder. Out of all the years and years they’ve been the closest of friends, this was the only time Eddie had ever been so vulnerable with him. Eddie was usually so stubborn and a brat about every little thing, but tonight was different and Richie just couldn’t figure out why.

Remembering the one time they danced together as kids, like Eddie had mentioned earlier, Richie found himself relaxing about the situation and lifted Eddie’s head up and smiled at him, Eddie gave a weak smile in return.

“I don’t know what’s going on in that head, Eds,” Richie said softly, wiping Eddie’s tears away with his thumbs and smiling down at him. “But you can tell me whenever you’re ready. You don’t have to right now, it’s okay. C’mon, let’s dance like you wanted.”

For whatever reason, that was the thing that made Eddie lose it. The smaller boy wrapped his arms tight around Richie, sobbing into his chest, startling Richie. Richie didn’t know what to do except hug Eddie back, running his hand across his back, shushing him softly, trying to comfort him. And that’s when Eddie whispered the words that made Richie’s heart drop.

“I don’t want you to go.” Eddie finally admitted, his voice cracking. “Please don’t leave, Richie.”

That’s when he finally put it together that Eddie was acting like this because he was scared of losing him, and he wanted to spend their last weeks _together_. It broke his heart to hear Eddie cry like this, being so vulnerable with him, so taken aback that all he could do in return was hold him and listen as he let Eddie get this off his chest.

“Richie, please don’t forget me. Don’t forget about me when you leave.” Eddie whispered, he wasn’t just asking, he was pleading. It was his own way of telling Richie he loved him, and Richie knew it.

Richie could physically feel his heart sink when Eddie asked him to do that for him. He knew what happened to adults when they leave Derry, and Eddie did too. Richie wanted to tell him that he’d leave to go with Eddie instead, that they could go together to New York. That he’d transfer schools to be with him, that he loved him so much he’d risk his future for him. But he knew he couldn’t, it was too late.

“‘M not gonna forget you. You’re my Eds, I couldn’t if I wanted to.” Richie whispered softly instead, not sure if he was trying to comfort Eddie or himself with the assurance.

Eddie just hugged him tighter in response, Richie feeling as though his heart was going to burst because of how much he was in love with this boy. The boy who was overly concerned about his health, who was the biggest brat he knew yet also the most adorable thing he’d ever seen, who was the most perfect thing Richie had ever had in his life, and now he was pressed close to his chest and holding him tight, getting the dance he’s wanted all night with the music softly playing through the surprisingly thin walls of the gym, muffled perfectly just for them.

Everything was perfect as much as it was disastrous.

Eddie lifted his head up, eyes red and puffy and tears were still rolling down his cheeks, sniffling. He was a mess, but Richie still found him beautiful like he always knew he would. He was so in love. Richie’s hands slid up from the small of his back all the way up to cup his face in his hands, thumbing away the tears that were still falling.

“I love you, Eds.” Richie breathed, feeling the weight of all those years of pining lifted from his shoulders, somehow completely forgetting the crippling fear and anxiety of rejection. “I love you with all my heart, and I could never, _ever_ forget you. Never.” 

Eddie choked on a sob, but smiled at Richie looking up at his face, and Richie couldn’t resist returning it. Eddie shook his head, and the next thing Richie knew, Eddie’s hands were on his neck, and he was pulling him down into a kiss on the cheek. 

Richie’s eyes grew wide. Eddie has kissed him on the cheek countless times when they were kids (and even now from time to time), but this felt One part of his head telling him not to fuck things up, the other going into complete shock because… _what? This was really happening? Here? Now?_

It was over before Richie could make his mind up on what to do. Eddie lowering himself back down on off of his tippy-toes, his hands still wrapped around Richie’s neck. Richie could tell he was making a stupid face that gave away his shock, but he didn’t know what else to do.

“I love you too, Rich.” Eddie told him softly. Richie smiled and pulled Eddie in by his waist, kissing him on the cheek as well. He could practically feel Eddie blushing. 

Time After Time was beginning to fade out. As they stood there, both waiting for the other to do something, Eddie heard Richie breathe in when the next song began to play. It was “Can’t Help Falling in Love” and Richie laughed to himself. _Fitting._

“What do you say, Eds? Do you wanna dance?” 

“Yeah, no shit, asshole. That’s what I’ve been trying to get you to do with me for the past hour.” Eddie was quick to shoot back, and it made Richie smile to himself.

_There he is._ Richie thought to himself as he pulled in, wrapping his arms around Eddie’s waist. Eddie buried his head into Richie’s neck, letting the music guide them. _This was nice, this was good._

For that moment right there, Richie and Eddie both had forgotten the responsibilities of life. How in just a month they’d be leaving each other, God only knows when they’d speak next. All that mattered is that they had each other know. And for the both of them, that would be enough.

Eventually, Elvis had faded out and the DJ began making an announcement again, something about getting the place hyped up again, _I Wanna Dance With Somebody_ began to play.

Eddie lifted his head up from Richie shoulders and smiled, taking Richie’s hand again and leading them back to the dance floor, and Richie figured to himself that Bev was once again, like always, right about things. The night hadn’t been that bad at all, in fact, Richie wouldn’t want it any other way.

\---

The final time (that in its own special way felt like the first) Richie was hit hard with how much he loved Eddie was years later. 

The years had passed since prom, twenty-two to be exact, Richie and Eddie both had broken their promises and, did indeed, forget each other.

It started off small, specifically after Richie left for Chicago. He had remembered Eddie, of course, he was his best friend besides Stan and what he believed to be the love of his life. He missed him every day and wanted to stay in touch with him to find out when he could visit Eddie at college or vice versa. 

After about two months or so, Richie had forgotten why he would be sad the night before and who he was even sad about. Occasionally it’d hit him: _Oh, yeah. Eddie._ But as time went on, he couldn’t seem to remember anything about his Eds anymore, and he hated himself for forgetting, because he knew it would be important, but college had him so swamped, he couldn’t imagine what it was like for Eddie. Between that, letters occasionally getting lost in transit, and forgetting about the “Derry curse” and more and more of Eddie everyday, Richie found himself thinking about him maybe once or twice every so often.

Then years had passed. So many important things had happened in life, and things were moving quick, Richie had almost entirely forgotten about Eddie. Even down to everything he had felt for him, what they shared together, and his name.

Whenever Richie would be with someone, he would always feel _wrong_ , like he knew he shouldn’t be in the position and place that he was. Always some kind of guilt in the back of his mind like he was betraying a partner, but he knew he’d been single practically his whole life. He could barely remember what he was supposed to be seeing, but he had always felt it, and always became frustrated when he couldn’t remember.

He could always feel a warm smile, and even soft pink lips and how they felt when they brushed against his cheek, like they were meant to be with him. He could remember white and red striped socks with Reeboks. Soft, curly brunette hair and how it felt in his hands. Richie couldn’t tell who he was supposed to be remembering, but he knew whoever this person was, was the one he needed to be with. He loved them, but felt as if he didn’t even know who _they_ were.

That day he got the phone call from Mike and the words “Derry” and “Eddie” were mentioned in the same sentence, Richie lost it. Not that he was even trying to remember in that moment, he just _did_. 

He remembered Eddie. Eddie fucking Kaspbrak. Eddie was the boy with the softest lips he’d ever felt, with the curly hair and the stupid pink button up shirt, knee-high socks, and red athletic shorts with a fanny pack covering the waistband. He remembered how Eddie looked on prom night, all dressed up in his tux, how his cold hands felt on his neck when he pulled him down to kiss him on the cheek. He remembered how much he loved him, and how even almost three decades later, he’s still never felt a love like that.

He remembered _everything_.

Richie could hardly wait until he hung up the phone, rushing out to the balcony to get sick. Everything was so overwhelming, taking in his memories of Derry, of The Losers, of Eddie, all at once. He’d somehow forgotten his entire childhood up until that point, forgotten what it felt like that summer in 1989, “killing” a demonic clown, or even just a few years later when Eddie kissed him for the first time, even if it was just on the cheek. Even the little things, like the way it felt to fall asleep next to him during a sleepover, especially those occasions where he would wake up in the morning with Eddie in his arms, and how everything would feel perfect.

All Richie could feel at that moment was how _desperately_ he wanted to feel that again. He didn’t know that he was so sure of that until he actually saw Eddie for the first time again.

Richie walked into the restaurant, eyes immediately landing on Eddie. He looked the same from what he remembered of him, especially in the face. All Eddie was doing was talking to Bill, but the smile on his face, God, he was so beautiful. He was everything Richie had ever wanted, and he couldn’t believe how easily he forgot such a person.

He had tried to convince himself (to which he even started to believe) that he didn’t care about Eddie anymore up until that point. The second he saw him though, he immediately realized that just wasn’t the case. It was far from the truth. And if he felt anything, he was afraid just as much as he was excited. God, he was so in love with him.

The night was great. Seeing Eddie again was great. He was the same, adorable little brat Richie had remembered. And for once, he figured maybe he wouldn’t be ashamed to say something about how he felt, so far all he could get out was flirting through teasing him and “your mom” jokes, and he couldn’t even believe himself for it, but he knew he was going to get somewhere. All he knew was that he had lost Eddie once, and he wasn’t sure if he could bear to do it again.

That same night, Richie sat alone in his room, thinking about everything that was happening and wondering why he decided to come back, not just because of being faced with his feelings for his best friend again, but of course the whole fucking killer clown that was _just alive and well_ , still terrorizing this stupid small town.

Over the next few days, after re-visiting Derry as a whole and spending more time with Eddie, things began to feel more comfortable. Richie remembered more and more every moment how much in love he was with this man. However, it was only a few days later when things would take a turn.

Getting trapped in the deadlights was an indescribable feeling. Something Richie felt he couldn’t talk about without sounding dramatic or insane. He could remember, but not even he was sure if what he remembered was real or not. What he did remember for sure was waking up from a sharp thud to the ground, struggling to see at first. The next thing he knew, he saw Eddie on top of him. 

“Hey, hey! There he is-- _hey buddy!--Richie!_ Hey, Richie, listen, I think I got him, man!” Eddie was babbling, though somewhat making sense, Richie couldn’t tell. All Richie knew in this specific moment was that he had an unimaginably painful headache, his hearing was slightly fucked, and was _fully_ aware that Eddie was on top of him, smiling and shaking his arm, as if it was some kind of attempt to keep him awake.

Richie wasn’t really sure _how_ he thought he should respond, mostly taken aback by Eddie, literally on top of him, something that should’ve been nothing, but God, Richie was in love with this stupid man, of _course_ he felt something. It sounded disgustingly cliché but _fuck_ if he didn’t feel like a teenager this very second. His fucking _crush_ on top of him, smiling down at him, his hand on his cheek.

Richie couldn’t help to do anything but just stare and try and smile back. The same soft look on his face as Eddie was talking, trying to get him to respond.

He was _in love._

Richie could ‘kinda-sorta’ make out what Eddie was trying to tell him, from his rushed words, he could tell the main point Eddie was trying to get across was that he was pretty sure he “got him.” How, he still wasn’t sure. But Eddie could explain everything to him later.

“I did it! I think I got him, man!” Eddie exclaimed again, letting out an exaggerated yet relieved, single laugh and he looked down at Richie again, Richie now smiling at him fully. “I did it! _I think I killed It for real--!_ ”

It was so sudden. Richie didn’t want to believe what was happening was real, it couldn’t be, _no._ If he was being totally honest he was still out of it enough to the point where he wasn't exactly sure what just happened. Letting out some kind of scream of anger, shock, and fucking despair, Richie just laid there, taking in the scene as he couldn’t think of anything else to do. 

“ _Eddie._ ” He found himself speaking softly, not sure if it was a question or the need to say his name out of shock.

Eddie’s head slowly dropped as he lifted his arms, cupping his hands around that fucking _thing_ that had just drove right through him. He was bleeding everywhere, right all over Richie. Eddie’s mouth dropped open, blood beginning to pour out slowly as his face turned in horror, looking as if he was about to cry because he knew _this was it_. Eddie ran into the situation of saving Richie positive he was going to die, the few thirty or so seconds afterwards relieving him of all worry. It was too soon.

Eddie lifted his head up, unsure of what to do. He knew it was over. Both of them did.

“Richie…” Eddie said softly, his attention varying between Richie and the claw that was still pierced through him. “Rich…”

Richie’s mouth dropped open, exhaling shakily and knowing he was going to cry if he had allowed himself to. Eddie saying his name like _that_ was somehow the key for Richie to fully realize what exactly was going on, being so in shock before he could barely even process the reality of Eddie literally _dying_ until now.

_“Eddie.”_ Richie cried softly, unable to move. Just after that, he watched Eddie get tossed aside to the ground as if he was nothing. 

Richie scrambled quickly over to Eddie, taking off his jacket and pressing it against Eddie’s wound, which was unfortunately his entire chest. In the back of Richie’s mind, he knew Eddie wasn’t going to survive this.

He still had time, he still had fucking time.

Richie took Eddie’s hand and held it, pressing both of their hands against his chest. Eddie sighed and let his head rest. Richie encouraging him to stay with him, let alone stay alive. 

After that, it was such a blur, all he remembered was comforting Eddie with his words, holding his hand and begging him to stay alive. Eddie couldn’t say much, he didn’t have the energy. He lost a lot of blood, and was still losing it. Richie didn’t want to believe it, but he knew Eddie was going to die.

Richie remembered walking away for what had to be only a minute, and coming back to see Eddie, eyes still open, mouth slightly open, and unresponsive.

“Eddie c’mon man… Eddie c’mon, wake up.” 

Richie reached up to pat his cheek, try and wake him up, because it couldn’t be. It just couldn’t be true. _It wasn’t, it can’t, it’s not._ Eddie couldn’t die, not now. Not right fucking now. _No_.

He was fucking begging for help from everyone else, to get him out so they could still save him, at least for a little longer. Insisting that Eddie was fine, and they just needed to get him out of the cave. Richie wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince the other losers or himself at that point.

“Richie…” he heard Bev call. He looked back, anxiously asking _“what?”._ Bev looked like she was crying too, the look of knowing on her face. Bracing herself for what she was about to say, because part of her didn’t want to believe it either, but she knew she had to tell him. “Honey, he’s dead.”

Once again, just like when he got that phone call from Mike, or that first night in Derry, Richie remembered _everything_. Absolutely everything.

He remembered meeting Eddie for the first time as kids, and how the first thing he noticed was how cute he was, and when Richie had told him that years later, pinching Eddie’s cheek and calling him “cute, cute, cute!”. How Eddie pushed him away and insisted he was _not_ cute, but that only made him even more adorable to Richie. He remembered how Eddie comforted him and talked with him for hours when Richie needed him the most, especially after the arcade incident with Bowers. How he and Eddie danced to an old record in his bedroom as kids, or how they had a proper dance at senior prom, and how moments before Eddie broke down and held him tight, pleading him not to leave him, and how stupid he feels now later in life that he didn’t listen to him. Or even how Eddie gave him that little kiss on the cheek after he calmed down, and how he did that so frequently as kids. Every little kiss on the cheek, everytime he held his hand for comfort, everytime he told Eddie he loved him, even the times he was careless as to how Eddie took it. How it felt to see Eddie again for the first time in twenty-two years, and the rush of love he felt. That was the moment he knew that it was Eddie, Eddie was his person. 

He couldn’t be dead, not his Eds.

Richie broke down, and held Eddie tight, stroking the back of his head and burying his head into his neck, sobbing. All he wanted was to hold Eddie, and in that moment he hated himself for not doing that when he was alive more than anything.

He hated himself for not leaving Derry with Eddie when given the chance just a few days earlier; or not saying ‘yes’ to running away with him like they talked about when they were teenagers. He hated himself for not saying anything about how he felt all those years, all of the times he didn’t listen to Bev and continued to ignore her advice to “just tell him”. He hated himself for letting himself forget Eddie. He just wanted to try and make up for all those things in this moment, to hold him and comfort him, as if he were still alive.

Richie could hear the others yelling at him that they had to leave, that the place was going to collapse on him if they didn’t leave; if _he_ didn’t leave. Richie couldn’t find the will to care. He’d be fine if he died down here with Eddie, if they saved themselves and let him be with Eddie. If he was being honest, that’s actually what he wanted. He didn’t want to live in a world without Eddie, not again. He lost him once, he couldn’t bear to lose him again, especially in this permanent fate. Richie knew if he died down here with Eddie, he would get to see Eddie again. He would give anything and everything for that, even if it was his own life.

When Richie felt Ben, Bill, and Mike begin to pull him back, he tried with everything he had to hold Eddie tighter. He was screaming, refusing to let go; calling for Eddie when they finally pried him away and got him to the surface. He was trying so hard, kicking and screaming, begging them to leave him with Eddie, but it was too much force holding him back, he couldn’t.

Watching the house collapse was the hardest thing Richie ever had to take in, knowing Eddie was still down there, and was impossible to reach now. He wanted more than anything in that moment to just _die_. Eddie would always be down there, and Richie could do nothing to save him. 

Richie isn’t sure how he ever really calmed down, or how long it took to do so. The others helped him calm down, especially Bev. God bless her. She sat there with him, holding him and telling him things were going to be okay, that Eddie is going to be okay, and that he’ll see him again someday. 

Richie knew she was right, she always was. And this time, he made sure he was going to listen to her. At the very least try his best to. 

Richie hated that he remembered everything that happened. How it felt to be in love with Eddie, how that feeling still feels. How he could still practically feel Eddie’s blood pouring all over him, and how Eddie softly cried his name in shock, as if he was asking for help. How Eddie’s soft lips felt against his cheek, or how his hands fit perfectly in his, and the last time he got to experience that was when they both were trying to slow down the bleeding from his chest. 

It took so long to process what had happened. For days alone he wanted to believe things were just a terrible dream, that he would eventually wake up in his hotel bed, he’d walk over to the next room and see Eddie still there, and would wake him up, tell him how much he loved him. And maybe Eddie would reciprocate those feelings, they’d lay there together and make up for all the lost time.

But that day never came.

The week or so he’d spent in Derry after Eddie’s death, he’d wake up (or just stop lying down, as he wasn’t really getting much sleep anyway). He’d walk over to the next room, but no Eddie. Just his suitcase.

That final morning, Richie walked in, as usual, and still no Eddie. This time, he opened the suitcase. It was more than enough, he hated that he found it so cute Eddie overpacked. There was a sweatshirt lying on the very top, and Richie just stared at it for awhile before picking it up. He’d lost his own sweatshirt, it was buried underneath Neibolt, still with Eddie. Richie picked it up and put it on, zipping it up just nearly all the way, and laid down on the bed, curled up in a ball, his arms crossed as if he was holding himself, and began to cry softly. This was it. This was truly all he had left of Eddie. Just this dumb little suitcase full of his things.

As Richie laid there, he had remembered way back to all those years ago, the day Bowers had taunted him in the arcade, and Eddie comforted him in the park. How that night when he went home, he had found a small pocket knife on the kissing bridge, and carved R + E into the wood, for himself only. He was in love with Eddie, and that same love was still there.

Getting up and driving out to the same spot over the bridge, he scanned the bridge until he spotted it, still sitting there. Fading, but still there.

R + E

Richie had gotten down on one knee, taking out his knife and began re-carving the letters; making them as bold and proud as ever. If it meant anything, he wasn’t afraid to love Eddie anymore, he hated that he realized that after he was gone and it was too late, but he did. He loved Eddie, more than anyone or anything in his entire life.

There they stayed, proud.

Richie began to smile to himself softly, looking at the freshly re-carved letters. His eyes scanned around, looking at all the other names and initials of lovers carved into the bridge. That’s when his eyes came across something that stopped him in his tracks, and he felt his heart sink. Whether it was in a good or bad way, he wasn;t sure.

A small R carved in a heart directly under the R + E.

Richie didn’t remember ever seeing that, but it seemed slightly faded just as his was just a minute ago.

_Eddie_.

Richie couldn’t help but think Eddie saw what he did, and did something the same. He didn’t want to automatically assume, but he couldn’t help it. The thought of Eddie seeing the R + E, and having his heart drop because he thought of himself and Richie, unbeknownst that it _was_ for him and Richie, and carving a small R in a heart for the same reason Richie carved their initials.

Richie felt like he couldn’t breathe. But for once, it was in an oddly good way.

He loved Eddie so much, and he always would. He hates that it took him way too late to realize it, but he was pretty sure that Bev was right, and that Eddie loved him too.

For the first time in awhile, things felt somewhat alright. He’d like to believe he’d see Eddie again someday on the other side, and they could love each other in peace. They could finally be themselves.

Things would eventually be alright. They would be just fine. And Richie knew it.

  
  



End file.
